Sometimes it’s not all about the money (take 2)

Last week I arrived in M-ville for the 3rd support visit since October. The first visit was made in order to check-in on the project and to clean and prep our new house here. The second visit was made after our leadership announced that our family could not live in M-ville again. The house that I had prepped in October thus got packed and shipped out in Dec. It was heartbreaking for the watchmen to have to watch and help with this move, especially for kaka, my son’s favorite man here. --- Arriving for the third visit last week, the procedure of visiting here has become old hat: I convince at least one other guy to come with me, I bring some food, we enjoy playing pool and eating a lot of meat, and we call it M-ville men’s retreat. On the Oct and Dec visits there were invites to people’s homes, because I had been away from March-October. Now in January, I suspected that they would feel that their hospitality obligations had been served. I was surprised, then, when on the morning after arriving, kaka told me he would be buying lunch for Garry and I. “You don’t need to do that kaka,” I told him. He shook his head, “don’t say that, you’re my guest.” I tried to argue that I wasn’t a guest because I had lived here, but he didn’t accept my arguments. I tried to wear him down by insisting 5 times that I buy his lunch instead of him buying mine, but he didn’t budge. “Go ask Garry what he wants, and tell me what you both want and I’ll bring it,” kaka said definitively. I went away, and tried coming back three times later, with different arguments about why he didn’t need to do this. --- I don’t know completely why I argued so much with kaka about one lunch. Maybe it was because I know how much he earns, and it’s less than 1/6th of what our local office manager earns (and he constantly complains it’s not enough). Maybe it was because he knew how many nice foods from the bazaar my family was able to buy (he used to do our shopping), that he was not able to buy for his family. Maybe it was because I know that he is very sad and disappointed that my family will not be living here again. For whatever reason, I desperately wanted to reverse this man’s will, and put money in his pocket to feed his family, rather than let him spend it on fattening me. --- On the third time I returned to kaka to argue, he took a tone of seriousness and set me straight. “You don’t get it. In my culture, you’re my guest, and we serve our guests for their whole stay. I’m ashamed to admit that I can’t feed you for the whole week, I would not have anything left to feed my kids. I would feed you all week if I could, but I can’t, I’m sorry. I WILL buy your lunch today, hosting my guest is part of me. --- Once again I had missed it. I had missed that it’s not all about money when you have something more personal to share. I let kaka buy a simple lunch for Garry and I, and I doubly satisfied his hosting appetite by saying that we would come to his home for lunch the next day. He was thrilled to have us in his home. I was thrilled to meet his youngest son, 5-month-old Ibrahim, who I had advocated for when kaka and his wife were considering aborting him. Kaka turned 15 shades of red as I went on and on about how special and awesome Ibrahim was. --- Now the only thing left to do is sneak cakes and fruit and meat into the saddlebags of kaka’s bicycle before I leave here, and not get caught by him doing it!