"Help us get something out of it"

I cringe every time I hear someone in a church pray, “help us get something out of it” (meaning the sermon or lesson).  I remember this being said back in high school, and I’m sure I prayed this myself.  I wonder how far back this type of thinking goes? 

Why do I cringe?  Well, why do we go to church?  If it is merely to “get something out of it,” then it sounds like we are going for ourselves.  If we are only going to church for ourselves, then we are likely to compare the value of church with the value of the other things we do for ourselves.  If we begin to operate by this comparison, (whether we specifically think it through or not) church will eventually lose, because there are better ways to meet our personal preferences and stimulate our human senses and needs than going to church.  Think about it, how do we spend our time, if it’s up to us, and it’s entirely for us?

            - Working, because it earns money.  There’s no money to be made at church.

- Eating, because it gives us strength.  Sometimes there’s food at church, but if you’re picky at all, you have a better idea of where to get the food you prefer.

- Sleeping, because we need rest.  You can sleep in a pew (many do), but you’ll be more comfortable in your bed, sofa, or hammock.

- Seeing friends.  Many of us have friends at church, but some don’t.  Those that have friends might prefer to socialize at a quiet coffee shop or in the comfort and privacy of a home.

- Reading or learning.  There’s always opportunity to read and learn in church, but again, personal preference can tell us that we’d have a more productive time listening to a favorite podcast or reading a book of our own choice.

- Entertainment.  Some churches have very entertaining worship and media.  Much of it fits a style; if the style is yours, stay, if not, go somewhere else?  If we chose a church based on music or service style, then it is hard to criticize a person who chooses to forego church, and instead religiously attend movies, concerts, plays or comedy clubs that better suit their style. 

When someone prays, “help us get something out of it” at church, it sounds to me like they’re not content or satisfied.  Perhaps they keep attending out of raw determination, or perhaps they drift and decide the comedy club on Saturday night and a Sunday morning snooze sound better to their soul. 

Why do you go to church? 

What is church?

I’m not going to essay my answers to those questions, but I want to mention a couple of themes that I believe rise against the prayer to “help us get something out of it”.  Here’s my themes: Worship, Service, and Offering.

My themes do not mean that we owe something to God (we all know that’s a horrible motivator to go to church!)  My themes mean that we are in a reciprocal relationship with our creator and sustainer God.  Both God and us grow in fulfillment of our relationship, when we both feed it. 

Would you ever, on a date with your spouse, say, “Honey I hope I get something out of this time I’m spending with you.”  How would that go over? 

We go to church not just to “get something out of it”.  We go to worship, we go to serve, and we go to offer ourselves to our God and a body of believers in him.  We go because it’s a relationship that is much more meaningful than the meeting of our needs.


*author's edit added 2 days later:  I want to clarify that my intent in writing this post was not to criticize anyone who has prayed in the manner I have discussed.  I have admitted that I have also prayed in this way, and recognized that my attitude was wrong.  I cannot insist that everyone who prays certain words has a certain attitude.  Different hearts and attitudes are housed within similar words and phrases that we share in communication.  However, we say things for a reason, and what we say tells a lot about us.

Is there a healthier attitude behind the phrase "help us get something out of it" being prayed at church?  How do we guard ourselves from praying with a consumerist mindset... how do we guard our hearts against selfishness?

Eid-e Ramazan

 A while ago I wrote about the practice of fasting here.  Actually I started writing about fasting and drifted into other matters in my typical serious fashion… anyway.  Today I’ll go back 1 month to the end of the month of fasting, and tell you what happened in what is perhaps the biggest of the “Eids” (annual holidays/celebrations) in this culture. 

As I wrote a while back, the month of fasting is observed differently in different contexts.  In this place, the majority of people were strict and devout about their fasting, even though they struggled to keep the fast through the intense summer heat.  During the fast I talked with some people that I knew were not religious, and they said that even though they did not care about the fast, they could not risk anyone finding out that they do not fast.  So, if the opportunity arose for them to take a drink of water on a day that was over 110, they would take it, but they said that because life is so communal, those chances usually do not come.  As a result, everyone was grouchy for the whole month, tempers flared and fights broke out easily even in our office, and overall, productivity was pitiful.  It was a hard time to be here, I was really discouraged for most of the month, and as the Eid at the end of the fasting approached, I was ready for some celebration.

In the week before Eid, the preparations we observed told us that this context makes a big deal about this Eid.  Each evening we could hear the chanting of neighborhood boys going door to door singing out a traditional song, asking for money for the holiday.  In the bazaar I saw the shopkeepers ramping up their stocks of sweets and goods that are special for Eid.  I went out to buy some of these goods for ours guests and our visiting, and was amazed to find that almost every store had a sidewalk full of nuts, fruit, and candies to sell, even stores that typically sell only nails or paint!  It was as if the whole town stopped their ordinary work to single-mindedly focus on one task: preparing for Eid. 

For us, the day before Eid included the cooking of a feast for our office staff.  All through Ramazan I had wanted to host an Iftar (breaking the daily fast in the evening), and finally we decided that we would do this on the last day of fasting.  My wife was a little scared of cooking for the whole crew, and rightly so, because it was a big lot of them, and they’re not so easy to please.  So we hired two local ladies to cook, and the guard and I ran for all the groceries.  It was a fun day of seeing the party come together.  We have a big enough patio that we could seat them all outside on a nice rug and cushions. 

We did not regret getting help with the meal, because you need to be quite exact with the preparations for Iftar.  Exactly 15 minutes before the night call to prayer, everyone can have some dates and fruit.  Then they should be doing their prayers in prostrations at the time of the call to prayer, and after this, they can return to their supper and eat the main course.  We served a meal calls Doshi: meat in tomato sauce with chickpeas, served over rice with raisins and carrots.  It went over very well!

Still excited about how the Iftar feast went, I was ready to head out with an idea of my own on the first day of Eid.  Tradition is that the first day of Eid is for families to visit one another, and that friends visit friends on days 2-3 (or 4 or 5!).  I thought about the importance of day 1 in this culture, and tried to think of who might be left out of the celebrations on a day like this.  I figured that one group of people that might be left out would be the old men that guard the stockpiles of animal feed on the river banks.  These men were always in their little wood shacks, faithfully protecting the feed from theft, and I figured they would have to be there on the first day of Eid as well.  I was wrong, the shacks were empty on the first day of Eid!  So, I came home and talked with my wife to come up with plan B.  She suggested police officers, so I grabbed my bags of Pepsi cans and cookies (what I planned to give to the men guarding the hay), and took off on motorcycle to look for policemen working on the first day of Eid.  My wife’s idea was a winner!  The policemen were so happy to be considered on the first day of Eid!  I went intersection by intersection offering treats to the policemen directing traffic (they didn’t mind taking a break!).  Then I headed out to the airport, and found the jackpot of policemen staying in a barracks just inside the grounds.  I didn’t have enough pop for all of them, but they were still thrilled when I left all that remained with them.  We had a brief chat, they remarked that no one has ever brought them something on their holiday, and they wished me well in my work here.  After the “Happy Eid-e” for the policemen, my family just enjoyed a nice day together at home, and prepared for the visiting in the next days. 

Visitation is a big deal here, especially during Eid.  Everyone is honored to have guests come to their homes, so we prepared a lot of bags of snacks and treats to take to neighbor’s houses.  We also had to be ready to go on “the tour of houses” with our project staff.  All the men went together on day 4, and the women on day 5.  Both times, the tour started by having everyone from the team come into our guest room, which we had prepared with lots of cookies, snacks, and candies.    The group sits down, eats some snacks, drinks some tea, says a prayer, and speedily moves on to the next place.  The men did not spend more than 10 minutes in each place, because there was an unspoken goal of finishing the visit to all 12 houses before noon.  The women took their sweet time, because they knew the office cook would make them lunch.  If my wife has not written about her time of visiting, I will bug her to do so, because it sounded like the women had more fun!  For me the highlight was seeing the homes of some staff I had not visited yet, and spending all the time driving around with the guys, sharing and laughing together.

Along with the team tours, we enjoyed visiting neighbors and some other friends at a slower pace.  Little t did not accompany either of the tours (good thing, all that sugar would have put him over the top!), but we did enjoy taking him to visit neighbors and other friends.  He is a joy to people here, because he does a good job of shaking hands and then putting his right hand over his chest to show honor.  It seemed like wherever we went, it didn’t matter what we brought as a gift, just that we came.  By the end of the 5 days we were pretty spent, but it had been such a worthwhile endeavor to try to really join this culture in their celebration.

To conclude, I’ll share one reflection I had while observing all the activities of Eid.  As we went around town visiting homes, I noticed that everyone had a light spirit, as if all the insecurity and poverty that IS their lives did not matter on their holiday.  I was amazed at the number of women and girls that walked the streets as they went place to place.  I would be tempted to call it a taste of freedom, but that is probably overstatement.  Perhaps the more appropriate term would be: reckless abandon.  Yes, the place is insecure, and on most days there’s significant risk of something bad happening to you, but that didn’t matter on Eid.  And yes, the whole society is strangled with poverty and lack of opportunity for any progress that the developed world would recognize, but during Eid everyone put on their best appearance of prosperity, and truly, many took the joy that they could from that day.  Maybe you take this description as something to be happy about, or maybe you take it as something to be sad about.  I was happy that the people of this city had one holiday in which the insurgents were quiet, and there were no incidents in our province.  I was also sad to think that this was just one brief holiday, and that during the rest of the year this culture of hosting and visiting and being out and about is confined, muted, and struggling to survive.  I am sad thinking that perhaps more aspects about this culture have also been pummeled into extinction by the war and poverty.  Will this people ever emerge from these struggles to be a healthy society?  Despite these shadowy reflections, I am also encouraged to keep the hope that the creator of this people can also bring peace, and restoration, and life.  These are certainly things to keep in prayer.

Fasting, fervency, and fundamentalism (Part 2 of 2)

 I ended part 1 mentioning that I have recently been confronted by some radical characters here.  It was a somewhat disturbing experience, and one that I am still processing.  One output of my thoughts is a critical bit about how people of various religions (not just the dominant one here) come to hate one another.  The point is not which religion is more prone to create haters, but more simply a challenge for you to consider: am I willing to love rather than hate my enemy?

Although I believe there are many essential fundamentals to my faith that cannot be compromised, I will not associate myself as a fundamentalist of any faith, because I have seen the intolerance that boils out of the fundamentalist mind.  Too many fundamentalists have taken their rigorous study of theology to such an airtight conclusion that if you’re not with them to the jot and tittle, then you’re WRONG.  Once a fundamentalist has labeled someone as WRONG (or whatever label they find appropriate to assign), they will build their case of what they will and will not tolerate from them, with the wrath of god (or God) as their foundation.  Levels of intolerance vary.  Some intolerance is done so that those in the right are not polluted or damaged by the WRONG.  Unfortunately this can become a slippery slope, because those measures of control might not be in the hands of the right, not in the way they wish.  Then the fundamentalist has a choice: to tolerate, or to be more extreme in their intolerance.  Tolerance does not suit a fundamentalist mind well, so more extreme intolerance often wins.  Fast forward to the end of this slippery slope and you end up with an intolerance to let the WRONG live.  Examples?  Various Islamic terrorist organizations will probably be your first suggestions, and I agree.  What about this Christian fellow in Norway recently?  Although the professed religion was different, the same intolerance-to-the-point-of-killing drove him. 

Whether you like my examples or not, you probably want to know my alternate suggestion to fundamentalism.  I don’t have a packaged term for you (and please don’t assign a term like “liberal” to me), but I will say that our desire for others to believe what we believe needs to pause and be checked if they resist our suggestion.  Ask yourself: why do you intend for them to believe what you believe?  Is the benefit for them, or for you only?  If it is for them, and you earnestly wish blessing and hope and life for them, then why would you so quickly give up if they reject or resist you?  If there was value in their life when you thought they might convert, is that value completely lost if they do not?  In my opinion this puts too much trust in our words and ability to communicate them perfectly.  We’re too rushed to bother with letting the Word be incarnate among people that have never heard it.  We’re too fearful that tolerance will lead to us being conquered (even though the best periods of Christian history were when they were NOT in control).  We’re too tempted to boil the whole works of our faith down to some simple litmus test of questions that will determine if I love and protect you or hate and push you away.  The alternative I espouse is to tolerate life.  Recognize each life was created in God’s image, and has a potential to be transformed into His follower at any point (not just when we say they must).  This is not a lame or inept or inactive stance.  On the contrary, tolerance can and should be active.  Celebrate those that accept salvation, weep over those that are still resistant, be the active, intentional example of what you believe, and tolerate life.  Yes, this even includes those scary Mus.lims that all gather and do that intimidating prayer and prostrations thing.

And what will I do about being issued ultimadums by fundamentalists here?  At the moment it’s good food for conversations.  Themes of my rant above will make it back to them through contacts I already have. It’s an interesting thing to converse with people here about the fact that their development, international relations, the demise of their family structure and the state of constant war is largely a product of intolerant religious radicals. To the fundamentalist youth I pointed out the irony that he would prefer to destroy much needed help for his poor people, just because of his religious intolerance.  With one friend I am going to start a review of religious tenets that guide us in serving others, i.e. the needy.  He gets to start with tenets from his book, and when he runs out it will be my turn with my book.

So yes, the challenges I’m getting here will be answered, as long as we feel safe enough to remain here.  I’m quite certain, however, that the issue between the dominant religion here and the rest of the world will not be solved from this end only.  You, yes you back in the west have a role to play.  Think of it- we want them (people here, your enemies) to stop being fundamental and intolerant and hateful, meanwhile we, despite our belief in a God of grace and forgiveness, have a very hard time putting down our defenses and intolerance and disgust for them.  Yes it is difficult, but Christ is the model and the strength that we have.  If we do not use that model and strength, we’re missing our purpose.  And if we cannot grow more tolerant and loving with this strength, how do we expect our enemies to meet our demands, without that strength? 

We can’t be a people that lets the sin of our enemy blind us to our own.  We have to pull the plank out of our own eyes before we can address the speck in anothers’. 

Proverbs 16:7 NRS

When the ways of people please the Lord, he causes even their enemies to be at peace with them.

Fasting, fervency, and fundamentalism (Part 1 of 2)

Last week the Islamic month of fasting started.  Fasting during this 30-day period called Ramadan is one of the main pillars of their faith.  The fast is only during the daylight hours, but the rules are quite strict.  The fast begins in the wee hours of the morning when a religious leader can see the difference between a white thread and a black thread held in his hand.  Being summer, that time is 3:30 am here.  Then the fast is broken each evening before the evening call to prayer, which has been around 7:20 pm.  Between those hours a good Muslim is not permitted to eat or drink anything. 

We have observed Ramadan in a variety of places.  I experienced the party atmosphere of Ramadan in Cairo Egypt, where every night was dancing and feasting.  I also saw the long tables set in front of mosques in Turkey, where the faithful would gather for communal meals.  Those men would assemble with their overflowing plates on the table 20 minutes before the call to prayer would come, salivating as they counted down the minutes.  Together we had some great experience with Somalis during Ramadan in the US.  One year I kept the whole fast in order to grow closer in relationships with those friends, and so I have fond memories of that year.  Then there are harsher memories, like 2008 and 2009 when we were in Lal, witnessing the suffering that a malnourished population of poor farmers was experiencing as the fast came during wheat harvest.   So what is Ramadan?  Is it gluttony?  Is it legalism?  Is it community building?  Is it wicked?  I suggest that it cannot be described solely by any of these single-term definitions.  You have to go deeper to understand what is going on when people fast.

While I have never been able to say that I like fasting, I often remember that I like the effects of fasting.  Ones thoughts and attitudes and desires are deeply challenged and changed when you break your routine and experience hunger.  I like to fast when a big decision or heavy matter is in front of me, because it opens my eyes to new perspectives, and loosens my grip on my selfish will.  By denying the simple task of putting food in my mouth, it causes me to think more about what I so often automatically do to serve myself, and it makes me tune my senses more to God, who I say I always depend on (but do I?)

Although the observance of the fast and the subject of worship is different in different religions, I know that many Muslims also have soul-searching and spirit-changing experiences during the month.  We pray for them to have divine dreams or visions, because these are more common in this month than the rest of the year.  We take time to pray for direction to those that have had those dreams, that we can give some explanation to them or answer questions.  This is the side of Ramadan that we look forward to.

Unfortunately this year we have seen another spirit-changing effect of Ramadan, and this one is troubling.  Since we have been in this town it has been astounding how many times I have been proselytized on the sidewalks of the bazaar.  I don’t mind, I find these useful times to start conversations.  Then last week, as the month of fasting began, the religiously fervent upped their game and pushed some hard terms at me, and I have grown quite concerned about this.  One youth embodied and communicated to me the harshest rhetoric taught in madrassas here.  I have heard it all before, as just rhetoric, but hearing it face to face, with him talking about me, brought it home that religion takes some to the very extreme of intolerance.  

(to be continued...)

O the enemy

Osama is dead, in case you didn’t hear.  Somehow I imagine you’ve heard.  I won’t take a lot of time to say how we feel about this, because like many, we have mixed feelings.  I will just write shortly tonight to say that so far there’s been no indication of insecurity or attacks in our corner of this country.  My guess is that we are not in a high priority location for retaliation.  Sure they will look for soft targets, but they’ll also look for targets that provide maximum press, to try to stoke their image.  Also Osama is not a good name around here.  Insurgents here hold to the purpose of gaining control of this land and its resources, not destroying the world.  Our staff are all happy that Osama is dead.  Of course, they would be happy, because by working for a foreign organization they make themselves targets for terrorists.  But, the death of Osama does not seem to be a big deal for our security here, yet.

Of course I have a lot more to say, but since these two writers said it so well already, I will give you the links to their articles, and then add a few comments…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-raushenbush/celebrating-a-death_b_856124.html

My favorite quote from the above article, “It is a tempting yet dangerous practice to look around the world for evil people and target them. That is just what Osama Bin Laden thought he was doing. We must be vigilant that we do not become what we despise.”

Now on to the next one:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-david-p-gushee/do-not-rejoice-when-your-_b_856273.html

The whole second half of this article is worth reading again.  There are reasons that bin Laden used and Al Q will still use to attack America from any angle they can.  The question is not whether we agree with their opinions/convictions, the question is- do we know our enemy?  If we don’t honestly know how our country’s policies have made them so angry, how can we ever hope to understand them, let alone turn them away from their hate?  And this does not even come near the hard words by a famous man, who said, “love your enemy.” 

This is quite hard talk, perhaps it is much better to just kill them.  

Why a pastor who burns a Qur’an is in the wrong.

 I’m not sure how you feel about the recent news of a pastor burning a Qur’an.  I have quite strong feelings about this, because more than 20 people have been killed in protests, our work has been stopped this week, and we’ve been on the lookout because we’re all in direct danger here.  I don’t entirely blame this pastor for what has happened here, but he did have a very negative impact on our security, and for that I am upset.  I would like to back away from the center of this controversy for a moment however, and talk about the basic matters of culture, faith, humanity, and Christlikeness.

It seems that the pastor’s intent in burning the Qur’an was to urge Muslims to stop reading the Qur’an and stop being Muslims.  The question is: how do you change people?  Can you force a person to change?  How do you respond when someone tries to force you to change?  Are you happy to listen to them, eager to change for them?

Perhaps you utterly hate Muslims.  That’s fine.  Some people, in the name of Islam, have done atrocities to Americans and in America.  Given that, what would it take for YOU to actually respect a Muslim or listen to what they have to say?  What would they have to do to earn your listening ear, for you to welcome them to your home?  They would have to do something, right, because you’re not going to automatically trust them, there’s too much negative sentiment about them for you to just let them come near you.  So then… why do we think that they should listen to us, when a Christian leader does something that they consider an act of war?

Let me challenge you with some points that I also challenge Muslim friends with.  You see I’m in the middle.  I know Americans who hate Muslims, and Muslims who hate Americans, and I see the futility and the endless destruction that lays ahead if we do not work on our attitudes and approaches to one another.

Here’s my list of attitudes, actions and assumptions to avoid, if you want to maintain a positive influence on people from a much different culture and/or religion: 

-Do not generalize: 

If your nation and religion were summarized in a 30-second speech by someone from the other side of the world, do you think it would accurately represent who YOU are?  If not, why do you listen to other people who make these summaries?  If you use “Muslim” as a blanket over all Sunni, Shiite, Ishmaeli, Sufi, Wahabi, Arab, Palestinian, Afghan, Kurdish, Al Queda, and Taliban people, but cannot tell me the distinctives of each groups, what makes you so sure that fundamentalist Muslims will know the difference between Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist, Pentecostal, Evangelical, Charismatic, Calvinistic, Health and Wealth doctrine, (shall I go on?).  Do you like being lumped together as one big groupie called Christianity?  If you would appreciate being differentiated from all the random things that fit into a Muslim’s definition of a Christian, then work on your definition of a Muslim, and let your respect and knowledge of the other to trickle into your communities.

-Do not compare “our best” to “their worst”:

  I hear it all the time, statements like, “our culture is like this…, but that other culture, ugh, they’re like this…”  When people describe themselves in comparison with a radically different culture, the inclination is to state what our ideal culture is like.  Then when we describe the other culture, we point out the very ugliest aspect.  An example?  Christians say, “we love our women, we only practice monogamy, Muslims are despicable womanizers, they marry multiple women.”  Muslims say, “we love our women, we ensure that every woman is protected and provided for, Christians only love themselves, half their marriages end in divorce.”  Get over your pride, take a honest assessment of both the good and the bad coming from any and all cultures.  You’d be furious to know all the stereotypes that I have heard some Muslims state about Christians, based on unfair comparisons.  Take the higher road, stop doing this in reply.

-Do not slander “the others’ sacred”:

            Honestly, if you want to be influential in changing someone, you can’t immediately impose your opinions on what they consider sacred.  I don’t care how wrong you think the Qur’an is, you will NEVER convince any Muslim of this by burning it.  Holding the truth is not effective if you use it as a jackhammer to the heart of the person you’re trying to help.  Your truth and your opinion have to wait until respect has been shown, relationships have been built, and ears and hearts are open, otherwise, you’re just a crusader, and you’re going to die for foolish reason. 

-Do not assume that history is the same from every culture’s perspective:

            Though historical events happen in real time and space, the memory and record of them is depicted through different cultural perspectives.  Within the differing accounts of history there are deep sensitivities, which, if ignored, will cause a lot of tension between cultures.  Examples?  How would the written or oral history of the USA differ between Americans and Native American Indians?  How would it differ between Israelis and Arabs?  Simply put, history is remembered different by dominant countries, than it is by ones that were suppressed.  Just because one country beats another and stamps their name upon a place, does not mean that the losers will not harbor resent that will fester for decades.  The rage coming out of Afghanistan, for example, is not new.  Americans think that doing war there for 9 years is way too long?  Afghans have lived through warfare for over 30 years.  If you judge what we see today within a 10-year context, you’re missing the whole picture of what Afghans are expressing.  The point here is: don’t assume, listen and learn.

That is the end of today’s list, but I’m not done yet because something should be said about tolerance.  The word ‘tolerance’ is not popular where I come from.  We all wonder, how could we combine Truth with tolerance?  Truth does not make us more than humans.  As humans, we have to humble ourselves to the fact that we are trapped in flesh and culture, we have a limited perspective on truth, and we make mistakes in implementing it.  Truth does not trample on the very people that lack it.  Truth does all it can to woo the one who lacks it to taste, see, believe, trust.  There has to be some human decency and tolerance offered, in order for truth to be transmitted.

There are many BUT’s to what I am saying.  The reason is, many Americans have accepted extremely unhealthy attitudes about the people behind the label “Muslim”.  These attitudes prevent you from seeing these people as Christ sees them.  Do you find it hard to think nice thoughts about Muslims because they seem so unrepentant?  What should we do with their sin, make them correct it?  What did Christ do with our sin?  The believers and followers of Christ should be the leaders in humility, love, and forgiveness.  Even though you deserved death for your sin, you were given life.  Why do we care so little about the life-less ones?

It’s easy to hate the sin of another person, but be blind to our own.  Therefore any quest to purge “the other” of their sin is precarious.  Like I asked before, what is necessary for one person to gain influence in order to change another?